"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~Albert CamusThere is an obsession with BIRTH. What kind of birth are you planning? Was it the birth that you wanted? Tell me your birth story... etc. etc. Don't get me wrong... I get it. Especially if it's your first time going through the process. It's a HUGE unknown. You have no idea what it feels like (only that it will most likely hurt like hell), and if your body is even prepared to do it. But having gone through the process twice now, and being on the otherside, I have to tell you... who cares?
Birth is not the hard part. It's just a gateway. It's what comes after that REALLY hard. It's the feedings at all hours of the night, the colic in the evening, the projectile spitup in your hair and down your front, the breastfeeding dance, the trying to find a moment to feed yourself as you bounce the 2 week old in your lap and the toddler has a melt down under the dinning room table. Peeing in private? HA! That's a luxury.
I know it sounds callus, and I apologize, but I'm concerned that we're idealizing and fixating on the wrong process. It's like the bride who obsesses about all the perfect details on her wedding, and loses sight of the marriage that she's committing too. A stunning couture dress and a palatial reception hall does not guarantee a long and happy union.
Many of us will not have an easy go of birthing our beloved children. Chalk it up to Karma or Murphy's Law or whatever. Vent for a few weeks, even months if you have to, but then let it go... because the real work is right in front of you. That beautifully little being that chose you to love, to nourish, to raise him/her into a well-adjusted happy little person. So what if your birth was not ideal... it doesn't mean that Motherhood can't be fulfilling and awe-inspiring.
i totally agree. birth is a wonderful experience...and so is going to see the grand canyon. birth is amazing but now comes the rest of your life which is much changed, much harder, and much more meaningful. so what if it rained the day you went to see the canyon. well, ok, not really "so what" but more like its ok if you got through it. you were still there, you still saw it and you still have the rest of your life to live.
ReplyDeleteon the other hand, my heart goes out to mamas who were told the "birth is everything" theory and it didn't go as they wanted because that heartbreak is immense.
we should truly put as much effort into finding the right parenting experience class as we do finding the right birth experience class and surround ourselves with other like minded new parents for support.